I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
