nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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