Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
