it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i out mim tonsoeep
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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