T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
