This girl is more easily done than said...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens