i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
