A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
