Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
