You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
