I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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