why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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