tell your sister to shave her snatch
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
