I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
