He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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