I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
sarcasm needs its own font
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
