it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There r osticjed everywhere
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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