So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
