just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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