im six kinds of drunk right now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
