shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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