the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
