dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
