who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
