While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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