I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
