and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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