Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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