I wannas sexs uuuuu
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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