my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
