Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
