I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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