Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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