Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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