Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
