I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
