Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
