if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
