i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
whose parrot is this?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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