i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
