i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
