I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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