he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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