I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
