you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
