Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
