Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
