Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just gargled with NyQuil
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
