Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
