Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
