I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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