omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
