I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
