did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize