What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
