You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
