i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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