I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
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he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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