Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
