And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
