He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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