Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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