I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
