Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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