My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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